If you watch Home Alone backwards, it’s a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child’s family comes home and yells at him.

 I did a few researchers to get that information.

“I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.” 

Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.

“I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.” 

“They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…”

“I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.” 

“If I were a bird, I’d fly straight into a ceiling fan.”

Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.